En route back to Vancouver, I had a moment of sadness as I looked out the window at the YYZ tarmac. I don’t think anyone could have prepared me for the moment of homesickness I felt. While I was back in my hometown, I didn’t get to see all of my favourite places, or eat at all of my favourite spots. I didn’t get to spend time with all of my friends, and I would’ve loved an extra hour with my mom. I didn’t have too much time to reminisce as I made new memories with my Vancouver family in downtown Toronto. So as I sat in my pod, it hit me that there is a part of me that really does miss living in that city.
While I was home, I had a situation where I was given the chance to be authentic and honest about my feelings, and step out of my comfort zone. I got to honour how I felt and instead of making up excuses, voice what I was experiencing emotionally. It was uncomfortable for a moment. Fear and apprehension held me as I shared my real feelings, but also empowered me. This situation also allowed me to honour the other person’s feelings. It helped to remind the Universe (and myself) what type of people and situations I want in my life and which ones I am ready to move on from. I’m going confidently in the direction of my dreams, with the faith that letting go of my past will propel me further, faster.
At dinner one night at Fresh, my girlfriend turned to me and said I was glowing with happiness. I confidently told her I couldn’t foresee myself moving back anytime soon. I love the mountains and ocean. I love my roommates, my apartment, and my life in Vancouver. But homesickness is a funny thing: it doesn’t care about any of those factors. It reminds you of what is familiar and what is comfortable. It reminds you that you could easily fall back into that life without many adjustments. So, what’s keeping me on the coast?
I realized, as a few stray tears fell down my face on the plane, that I wasn’t going to grow if I went back into my comfort zone. The six months I’ve spent in Vancouver has taught me more about myself than I’d realized. It’s taught me how to be authentic, what type of people I want in my life, and given me a better idea of who I want to become. It’s introduced me to a group of people that I feel closer to than any group I’ve met. I actually feel like I belong in that family. I’m an important part of a community that operates out of and in love.
Along this journey of moving out and away from home, I’m learning as I go. None of us really know what we’re doing all of the time. I can do all of the card readings and meditations I want: all new experiences are going to feel scary. I think the key is to step into that fear of not knowing the end result. If you keep repeating the same actions, you will keep getting the same results. And that’s not what I want for my future. I want the results to keep getting better.